I took one look at my Google Calendar on Monday and my heart rate spiked.
There are big things happening in my life, our life, lately. We’re both entering a period of professional uncertainty and are working hard every day to achieve our career goals.
For the entire summer, Daniel and I have been like two ships passing in the night. Sometimes we are only around each other long enough to say “I miss you,” and give each other a hug. And then he’s off to bed super early because he has an hour+ commute each way, and then I go to the living room to study French verbs, or I think sad thoughts and write a blog post while eating Ben and Jerry’s.
True story.
And now it’s almost the end of August, and we’re realizing we have to move on a work day in the middle of the week, and I haven’t saved the money I hoped I would this summer, and I haven’t unpacked from a trip I took four days ago. I’ve committed to too many things with too many people. I’m trying to think of a million different ways to improve myself as a job candidate. I’ve been putting off a doctor’s appointment about a pain in my side. I’m thinking it might be a tumour on my appendix, but I don’t have an appendix, so probably not.
Oh, and I’m training for a 10K race with my clinic. Because yeah, I can complain about being busy, but try to make me give up running. Try it. It’s the only time I feel half sane.
I know I’ve used the word “and” a lot in this post, but that’s what I feel like lately: and, and, and, and.
Obviously I know I’m not alone in having these feelings. You may be in grad school, you may have kids who take up all your time, you may be working too many hours for little results. So tell me, do you know when my will my life start? Like the life I’ve worked towards – one I can sit back and enjoy?
And if not soon, what should I do while I’m waiting?
Hang in there! I know life gets crazy but it’ll slow down eventually
I agree – hang in there. My experience is that it usually slows down and gets less crazy, however, lately I’m taking a time out if it gets too much and I feel to overwhelmed. Just one night a week on the couch will leave me feeling more sane again, maybe that helps you, too.
I asked the Mr. this last night and he said “Um, your life has started Trisha, don’t rush it.” Wise words. I just want a house, a baby, and a job and I have no ability for patience.
Definitely agree with this sentiment! It’s hard to not want to rush things — but we have to enjoy the process and the experience it gives us, as much as sometimes we feel ready for the next step.
An observation from an oldster. I still think: Where is the life I wanted? It’s getting late and I haven’t travelled, had a satisfying career (I hate my job), accomplished much…. One thing I know for sure, you can’t ever get to a point where you can sit back and enjoy, and that’s that. There are complications every day, every hour in fact. Looking ahead all the time and waiting for things to be just right doesn’t work. This is where that “living in the moment” thing is very valuable. Too bad I’m not good at that, but I’m trying. I know there are times when you are sitting, at peace, watching the sunset off your deck, no one is sick, your mind is not thinking negative thoughts, you’re not worried about work, or school, or that your house needs to be cleaned, and you say to yourself, “This is it! Life is perfect!” Then you spill red wine on your favourite shirt. “Shit”, you say, “Can’t anything be easy?!” No. It can’t. BUT, there are great things happening all the time – like a laugh with a friend or co-worker, a good meal, an accomplishment at school or work, looking into your baby’s eyes. For my husband, it happened the other day when our four year old grandson said, “Papa? I love you the most.”